Advanced Home network help

I have back myself into a bit of of a corner and its becoming an unmanage situation now so I am reaching out here to see if there is a better way of doing things.

Current sutuation

Gigabit Fibre > Pfsense > Netgear R6000 as an access point.

Full house cat6 networked of with an unmanaged switch from pfsense

30 odd devices scattered around some on Wifi and some on LAN

I have 3x Chromecasts and a tablet on PIA VPN through Pfsense to watch Kayosport and Motortrend on Demand

UnRaid server for Plex(Docker) + Torrents(Win10 VM)

wireguard for remote LAN access

Issues I am encountering that is now beyond me.

Xbox is not happy and ping climbing to 400+ then dropping connections

WiFi constantly pisses of the flatmates with apple devices?

I CBF logging in to router to change locations to switch between AUS/USA for VPN

Torrents are a pain and I'm still manually extracting. (Autowatch is working ok)

UnRaid wireguard needs rebooting occasionally or on Pfsense I need to kill states to make it work. Would prefer to have remote LAN access live on the router.

Arlo wont play live on WiFi only works if I turn off WiFi and use mobile data.

I have a few $$ spare and would like to clean things up and make it so I don't have to waste my time manually managing everything. Need a solution that works out of the box.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been down this hole and how its best to get out of it?